Without You
by goddessoflightandshadow
Summary: The aftermath of page 511 in City of Lost Souls. How will Alec cope with the breakup? How will Magnus? Will anything ever be the same? Please read and review to find out!
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Hey guys! This is a new chapter fic im writing about the aftermath of page 511 in COFA. I hope you enjoy and please review. Did you guys see Mortal Movie yet? I did. It was alright, I give it a 7/10. If any one wants to talk about it with me PM or review about it! :D**_

It had been nine days.

227 hours to be exact.

And yet, it felt although it had been a decade.

So far it seemed that being without _him _was incredibly difficult. I'd barely come out of my room since _it. _I ran through the institutes doors, past Izzy, Jace and Clary. They're surprised and worried faces ran through my mind constantly. The _fear _on their faces. I don't remember the rest of that day. The white hot rage, the anger that took over my complete mind and body.

I woke up the next morning, with spilt knuckles, a trashed bedroom. a bottle of liquor in my hand, tear streaks on my face and a broken heart. I'd eaten nearly nothing in these past few days, and I could feel and see my ribs. I probably lost a bit of muscle tone as well, what with not eating and not working out.

I'd mostly just been laying on the floor, or in my bed or on my desk. A few days ago my father came to my room. He said maybe if I was done with the 'flaming sparkly homo' and I was 'out of my faggot phase' then I could 'get a girl and have some suitable shadowhunter children'. I punched him in the jaw.

Needless to say, I don't think my father will be speaking much for quite some time. To me or otherwise.

Suddenly, their was a knock at my door. "Alec?" a female voice spoke.

"Clary?" I said. My voice cracked, going unused for so long. "What do you want?"

She made a loud sighing noise. "Alec can I come in?"

"I'm not decent.."

"Well shower and come downstairs. Please."

Clary had a point. It had been a few days since I showered. "Kay." I grumbled. I walked to my bathroom and quickly hopped in the shower, brushing my teeth simultaneously. I started to use my body wash when the smell hit my nose. _Sandalwood. _

My eyes started to burn, and I quickly threw the shower gel aside, grabbing a ordinary evergreen scent. I couldn't smell like _him._

I went downstairs, with wet hair and a less then sunny disposition. Everyone was gathered, sitting around having breakfast. All talking ceased when I came downstairs.

"Alec!" Jace exclaimed, very well near dropping his plate. Is it really that serious?

"Hey" I said, smiling weakly.

"Come get some food Alec, i'm sure your hungry." Izzy exclaimed.

"Did you cook it?"

Izzy laughed and hit him on the shoulder. For a second everything was back to normal. Until I remembered and the _grief _came back so quickly and it near crippled me. The smile on my face faded and i stumbled on his way to my seat.

Jace and Clary shared a look, and Mayrse looked concerned. An omelet was placed in front of him, just like ones _he _used to make after a long night. It would come with a smile and whispered words of sweet nothings.

Before I could stop them, tears started falling from my eyes. I started shaking and someone enveloped me in a hug. It was Clary, to my surprise. I was quickly full out sobbing. When it started dying down, Jace stood angrily.

"I'm going to kill that son of a bitch." he said.

Before anyone could blink, before I realized it myself, I had attacked Jace, my parabati. When the fog went away, Jace was pinned against the wall, my hands around his neck. "_Don't even think about laying a **finger **on him._" I growled.

"Alec" Jace managed to get out. "He hurt you."

Clary was screaming and Izzy and my mother where trying to pull me away from Jace.

"No."

Everyone froze. I dropped Jace.

"I hurt him."

"What do you mean?" Izzy said.

"I tried to kill him." I fell to my knees.

"You tried to kill Magn-"

"Don't say his name. I tried to kill the one person that loves me completely. I broke his him. Its only right for him to break my heart."

I got up and ran from the Institute.

_**A/N: What did you think? If you enjoyed please review and follow and fave! Thanks!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N: Thanks for the reviews and faves and follows! Please continue or start to review! Thanks and enjoy!_**

I ran blindly for what seemed like forever. I dodged taxis, pushed mundanes out of my way and probably caused a minor accident. But I wasn't thinking about that then.

All I could think was _I tried to kill him I tried to kill him I tried to kill kill kill kill-_

I tripped over something, and fell straight to the ground. My head hit the pavement and for a second all I could see were stars. I felt something dripping down my hands, assumedly my blood.

Someone was yelling, people were gathering. I must be pretty messed up.

For a second everything went black.

When I came to, someone was kneeling beside me. A man, a teenager really was shaking my shoulders. "Wake up mate!"

"W-what happened?" I asked stupidly.

"I'm not really sure lad. You were sprinting like a murderer was after you. Then you tripped over this construction work and smacked your head on the pavement!"

The teen had a British sounding accent. "Oh."

"Can you stand? Do you need me to call you an ambulance." he asked.

"Um I think so." I reached up to feel my forehead and I winced. It felt as though their was a large gash, the skin spilt apart. When I pulled my fingers away, they were awash with even more blood.

He helped me to my feet, and I must've stood to fast because I started to feel dizzy, possibly from blood loss.

"Alright now. Show's over everyone." When the crowd started to dissipate, the boy smiled and I could see him all the way. He looked to be about my age with dirty blond hair and bright grey eyes. He was attractive, and nothing like _him._

"Are you sure you don't want to go get checked out, theres a hospital down the road.."

"No." I said firmly, wincing when I moved my head. There's no record of me existing so I defiantaly don't have insurance.

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. But you can come back to my place and i'll clean you up?"

"Aren't you going to take me to dinner first?" I joked. "I don't even know your name."

He laughed. "I'm Wyatt."

"Alec." I said.

"Well come on Alec."

Wyatt brought me to his house, or dorm shall I say. He helped me clean and wrap my forehead, though strongly suggested I get stitches. All of his hard work was for nothing though, because I could heal it when I returned to the institute. He goes to NYU, and it was his second year. He wanted to be a writer, or perhaps a professor in English.

He was smart, and funny and interesting, and if I hadn't been just out of a break up and if I wasn't falling apart from the inside out then maybe I would've been more attracted to him. We exchanged numbers, and promised to go out for a drink someday.

The funny thing was, Wyatt took my mind off of _him _completely.

It was nice.

* * *

I didn't want to return home, but I did. Except the Institute wasn't home, not anymore. No home was with _him _and i am not aloud their any longer. All of my things were there, but I doubted I would return for them anytime soon. I still had the key to the apartment, burning a hole in my back pocket.

I entered the Institute, and I was not to my surprise, nearly tackled when I got inside. Cries of my name, rung out.

"What happened to your head, Alec?" my mother asked calling attention to it.

"I fell..."

"Well why didn't you heal yourself?"

"I was with a Mundie.:

"Who?"

"Why am I getting twenty questions?" I snapped.

* * *

Jace and Izzy forced me to go to Taki's. Clary and Simon were coming as well. I went upstairs to change and to iratze my forehead. I put on a pair of grey jeans, and tried to find a sweater when something fell out of my closet. A blue scarf.

_The _blue scarf.

The one _he _gave me cause it matched my eyes. The same eyes that started to burn with unshed tears, for what seemed like the millionth time. Before I could stop myself, I grabbed my razorblade, and slashed my skin right across my forearm.

I hissed, as the blood started to seep. I rinsed it out and wrapped one bandage around it so blood wouldn't soak through my sweater.

I relished in the pain that distracted me from the other pain.

The pain in my heart.

* * *

Dinner was awkward, I was starved, and shoveled down my burger and sweet potato fries quickly. Izzy was trying to get answers out of me, Jace kept sending me concerned glances, and Clary ordered me ice cream, because I needed "comfort food"

It was delicious.

Simon didn't say anything, though his gaze was intently fixed on me, making me nervous.

We paid the check, and started to leave when Simon called me back to the table. I told the others to go on ahead.

"What's up?" I asked. The vampire and I didn't talk much, so I was surprised he had anything to say to me.

"When I was ten, I realized for the first time I was in love." he took a breath. "With Clary. I didn't have the balls to tell her until I was sixteen, and she had just started learning about this world." he gestured to the assorted Downwolders in the restaurant. "She sort of let me down easy, cause she like Jace. When they thought they were related, we started going out. I knew it wasn't real but I took what I could get."

"Your point?" I said, feeling a little bad for the boy.

"My point is that I know what its like to get your heart broken, Alec. And I know it sucks and you feel like its over and you wonder how your going to live." He grabs my arm, pulling up my sleeve, revealing the cut on my arm before I could stop him.

"I know what its like to hurt yourself Alec." Simon reveals his arm, with scars that faded most likely after his transformation.

"Simon I-"

"I wont tell anyone. Not if you stop."

I nodded, feeling ashamed.

"Talk to me if you want. Whether its about him or that."

"Thanks."

"Its no big deal, man."

**_A/N: Hope you enjoyed, please review! :D_**


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Thanks for the follows reviews etc. Please continue to do so! Much love!**_

I thought about what Simon said all night. It was interesting, and I hoped that he wasn't just using my sister like Clary used him. But something told me that he wouldn't do that.

But there was no way that what Simon thought he had with Clary could even compare to what I had with_ him_. It was like comparing a puppy to a greater demon.

Harmless and innocent versus epic and deadly.

Because I now knew that love was just as dangerous as any demon.

* * *

Sometimes I wished I was normal. Because if I was, then my mother wouldn't have to hide her hatred, my father wouldn't be disgusted by me, my siblings wouldn't pity me, the Clave wouldn't curse my name, and I never would've had my heart broken by a warlock who was completely in the right to leave me sobbing in the cold.

I would've done the same to me.

I think sometimes about what it may be like to have been normal. If I would've held the part of me that liked boys a bit too much under lock and key. If I would've married a beautiful shadowhunter girl. My mother would be in the audience with Izzy, Jace and my father would be behind me. She'd walk down the isle, we'd kiss.

Then we'd go home, and a few months later she'd be expecting. If it was perfect, Max would be alive, and he could hold my son, and id tell Max that he was an uncle. My wife and I would have a few more children, run the Institute when my parents passed on.

Jace and Clary's family, and Simon and Izzy and my family would have dinner once a month. My kids would be great shadowhunters, better then Jace even. I'd love my family to pieces, even if I didn't love my wife as much as I should. I'd never cheat though, not like what I suspected my father was doing. I would be faithful, wheather that meant I was happy or not.

I'd die gloriously in battle, maybe after Izzy and Jace so they wouldn't have to lose another sibling. Maybe id think sometimes about the sparkly warlock who saved me and my family more than once.

But I would never act, no matter how much I wanted to.

* * *

When I cut that night, I did it because I was too weak. To weak to have the life i should, the life that everyone wanted for me.

I cut because I was a failure, a disappointment.

I cut because I tried to kill my boyfriend.

And that was a sin upon itself.

_**A/N: Just wanted to update real quick. Also this is not going to be a self harm fic. That's whats going on currently, but its not what this is about. And Magnus is coming soon, if you want him.**_

_**Reviews make my world go round! :D**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Hello! Here's chapter four, hope you enjoy and pls pls review!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Mortal Instruments. They belong to J.K. Rowling and Cassie Clare respectively. :D**_

The next morning Jace asked me if I wanted to train with him. I said yes, but that's only because I had nothing better to do. He looked a little surprised, but maybe that's because we hadn't trained together in a while.

Before it was because we both had better things to do, him with Clary and me with _him_. Then we were over and I wasn't talking to anybody.

I went downstairs and ate silently. Relieved that my body guards weren't stalking me, I finished my cereal with a bit of a smile.

Jace was going to get pounded today.

We warmed up, throwing knives, shooting arrows and the like. It was clear that I had lost weight, enough to make some worry about how they'd fight against someone like Jace.

But while he held brute strength, I had enough anger and pain that this time, he'd lose this battle.

We started to spar, Jace trying to lighten the mood by cracking jokes and laughing while I could barely crack a fake smile.

He soon got tired of the awkwardness and shit soon got real. He was punching, I was blocking, I was kicking, Jace was trying to push me down.

Fists were flying temperatures rising, and I couldn't hurt him bad enough.

Jace kicked me hard in the ribs, and felt one crack. I hissed, and at that moment, I snapped.

I tackled him to the ground, punching him heavily in the face. Jace kicked me off of him, and I flew backward, out of breath.

Anger driving me, I somehow beat my parabati to the ground.

I sat on him, and counted like they do in mundane wrestling matches.

"1...2...3. That means I win!" I grinned for the first time in almost two weeks, and helped him up. For the first time, I noticed how we looked.

Jace's face was bruised, and his shirt was tattered, revealing scratches and more bruises. He held his wrist like it was broken, and favored his left leg. My shirt was tattered as well, and at least one of my ribs were broken. I was bruised and wincing as well, but it looked as if i'd fared better in the spar then Jace had.

"Wow Alec." he said carefully, as if id snap and kill him. "I think that's the dirtiest we've fought in a while if ever. Nice job."

"Thanks man."

* * *

Even after showering and healing each other, I was still sore and I could tell Jace was too. So we sat downstairs and talked about the good times. The pizza was tasty and I had fun.

The whole time though we avoided the enormous elephant in the room.

We were just getting ready to watch the third Harry Potter film(thanks Simon) on the iPad he'd gotten when someone entered the Institute.

She had a bright smile on her face, and she quickly sidled over to Jace, hugging him and kissing him passionately on the lips. To my surprise he didn't kiss back. "I love you so much Jace." she said.

That's when I finally looked away, my jealously probably turning my skin green. "I can leave if you want."

"No." Jace's mouth set in a firm line. "I'll be right back." Jace dragged Clary out of the Institute, and from here I could hear him screaming at her.

"Why do you have to be so inconsiderate and stupid! You know that he just had his heart broken! Go home Clary."

I pretended that I hadn't been straining my ears to listen.

"Sorry about that Alec."

"No problem." It made me happy to hear him sticking up for me, to the girl that he loved.

Maybe someone did care about me.

* * *

Halfway through the movie, I had to ask. "How are you guys doing? You and Clary."

Jace sighed, pausing the screen right when Hermione punched Draco in the face. "Its been complicated.."

I waited for him to continue.

"Ever since the wings, she's been on edge..."

A couple weeks ago, a pair of angel wings and a note assumedly from Jonathan Morgenstern that said only that he would be coming. Everyone was worried and concerned, but id nearly forgotten, what with me being in my room for quite some time. Nerves started to build up in me.

"I think she's starting to take her anger and nervousness out on me. But her behavior is getting slightly annoying. Like im worried too, but you don't see me bitching about it!"

I smirked.

"Oh." Jace said, face flushing. "Maybe I should go apologize."

"Go get em tiger."

* * *

Later that night, I went for a walk around the Institute. I went to Jace's room first, wanting to ask how the conversation with Clary went. To my surprise he wasn't their. I suppose they might be making up still.

I went to check on Izzy, who was on the phone with someone, most likely Simon. I poked my head in the door and mouthed goodnight. She smiled and took the phone off her ear. "Night Alec. Love ya."

I continued walking, remembering the times when id also check on Max, and my parents. But now my parents hate me and each other, and Max was dead.

Something drew me to his old room. To my surprise, their was a light coming from the room. I ran toward the door,hoping praying that everything had been a dream, Max's death, the breakup everything. I opened the door and breathed, "Max?"

Instead of Max, their was a dusty room, and the only person in their was Jace, who was asleep. Dried tear tracks were on his face, and in his hand was the little toy soldier that was once Max's.

Silent tears ran down my face, as I grabbed a dusty blanket off of a chair, shook it out and placed it over my sleeping brother. Then I walked out, and closed the door quietly behind me.

I guess I wasn't the only one with problems.

* * *

_**A/N:'( Awhh that was sad right? Please review, id really appreciate it!**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and follows and whatnot! Please enjoy and review! **_

The next couple of days were relatively quiet. Jace never brought up the whole incident with Max's room, so I left it alone for now. I hung out with Izzy, and even obliged her when she begged me to go shopping with her. It wasn't that bad, though she forced me into buying a couple of pairs of pants that were a tad too tight for my liking, and a shirt with a tie painted on it.

It was something _he _would wear.

* * *

That same day, we went to Starbucks, where Izzy ordered a caramel Frappuccino, while I ordered a café mocha, something _he _got me into drinking.

When we were almost ready to leave, I caught a familiar figure out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head a bit, and before I could think I was hunched down in my seat, gesturing for Izzy to do the same.

It was _him_.

Simply seeing _him _brought out feelings I didn't want to have. But to my surprise, he wasn't dressed at all like his normal self. From what I could glimpse, he was wearing black pants, a white t-shirt and sneakers. His hair was straight, no glitter or spikes, just the way I liked it. His face was completely devoid of makeup except for some black eyeliner. He was frowning.

_He _looked a mess. Was it because of me?

No way. He doesn't give a damn about me.

I turned back toward Izzy, now that he was gone. Her eyes had been burning a hole into his back. If looks could kill, anyone who got in Izzy's path would be burnt into a crisp.

Then she looked at me, and her gaze softened a fraction. "Alec..."

"What?" I said, harsher then necessary.

"You can't let him do this to you!"

"Yes I can!" I yelled back, causing people to stare. Quieter, I said "If you had done something like I did, you'd understand why I need to wallow in pain for as long as I can."

"Well then tell me Alec!" she slammed her palms against the table.

Head in my hands, I took a deep breath. Was I really willing to tell my sister what I did. Did I really want her to look at me with disgust?

After a few moments, I relented. "Izzy...I...tried to kill him. I was researching ways to make him mortal, when I came across one of his old girlfriends, one who said she had the secrets to making him mortal."

"Who?" Izzy leaned forward.

"Camille Bellacort."

Her eyes widened. "Alec, what the hell?! You know she's not to be trusted!"

I hung my head. "She promised me...stories. Stories about his past that he wouldn't tell me. In exchange for my blood.."

Izzy looked at me as though i'd admitted to killing her first born. To willingly give a vampire your blood was practically treason. But she couldn't talk. I mean Izzy seriously never shared blood with Simon? I doubt it.

"But that's not the worst part. I met with Camille behind his back, and snuck around with her. She told him what I did, that I tried to shorten his life, make him mortal." My voice cracked. "I was so selfish Izzy. I was so busy trying to take away from him, when I could've found ways to make me immortal."

"Alec you were-"

"We could've had forever. Instead I drew away from him, and when he found out of my sins he dropped me on my ass just like I deserved. They say you only get one epic love. That means I'm done Izzy. Unless he takes me back, which wont happen, I'll never love again."

* * *

The one good thing about being a shadowhunter, was that if you wanted to fight, their were _always _a few demons to fight. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to go out fighting alone, but I did it. I tracked a pack to a dark subway tunnel.

It was a stupid, dangerous, reckless, Jace-like thing to do, and It rightly could've gotten me killed.

But I didn't care.

It doesn't matter if I live of die if it's without him.

* * *

_**A/N: Did you like? Please review! :D**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: My second chapter today, hurray! Please review, it makes me soooo happy! :D**_

I dragged myself home late that night, battered, bruised and exhausted. But for some reason I felt a tiny bit happy. For some reason, it seemed that venting my anger, and getting hurt and causing myself pain seemed as though it was making me feel better.

Wow. I really was turning into Jace.

I really wasn't looking forward to going home, an attitude that I seemed to be adopting as my permanent one. I know Izzy probably blabbed my confession to everyone else, meaning that I'd be stared at and id receive many concerned glances.

But I trudged home anyway, because I was covered in ichor and a shower was an immediate desire of mine. When I entered the Institute, it was all quiet. I breathed a sigh of relief, finding that no one was there.

I trudged up to my room. After my shower, I cleaned up my room a bit, and put the clothes from earlier away. Then I lay on my bed for awhile, and stared at the ceiling.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I scrolled through my contacts until I found _his_ name. (He was still in my favorites, but it was more romantic this way)

Before I could stop myself, I pressed his phone number. I listened to it ring, until finally, it clicked. "Hello?" a tired voice said.

I nearly fell out of my bed from shock. Just hearing his voice was absolutely amazing, I had to hang up. I hugged my phone to my chest like some lovesick school girl.

I don't know why I couldn't get it through my thick head.

'He doesn't love you, Alec. He doesn't give a damn about you, no one does. You're worthless. He wants you dead." the voice said.

I clenched my hands into fists. The voice had been speaking to me, and I was starting to believe it.

I was a failure. Because of me, my parents hate each other, Max is dead, I broke _his _heart, my family has to deal with my sadness. I wasn't a good brother, son, boyfriend, shadowhunter, person. I didn't have a single friend to speak of, and im sure that my siblings were only pretending to care about me because the felt it was their duty, what they had to do because I was Izzy's brother, and Jace's parabati.

Would anyone even give a shit if I died?

I doubt it.

* * *

_**A/N: This was short, but that's because I need to get a jump start on the next few chappies, which are Magnus POV yay! :D Reviewing means you get them sooner! **_


	7. Chapter 7 Magnus POV

_**A/N: Hey guys! Here's the first chapter of Magnus POV! I hope you like it! Are their any GLAMBERTS reading? Listen to Better Than I Know Myself by Adam Lambert. It reminds me of Malec, and is great for this chapter! ;)**_

Everyday, the same scenes play through my mind. The ones where I received a letter on my doorstep, one that bore my name in curling script, handwriting that I immediately recognized even after all these years.

_Camille._

I never knew that a simple letter could crush you so fast, so hard as that one did. At first I didn't want to believe it, that my darling Alexander would do something so very cruel as to attempt to shorten my lifespan, and to be in corhorts with the women that I despise most, the same one that also tried to kill him and his friends.

But why else could Alec have been drawing away so much, why had he been _so sad_? He hadn't been talking to me like he used to, no he was secretive, quiet and reclusive. I thought it was just a normal period of teenage angst but...

I didn't want to believe him, but when I saw his face I knew the truth.

I love Alexander Lightwood with my mind, body, soul, really with my entire being. But I would have to let him go eventually.

Maybe the time was right.

* * *

But it wasn't. Ever since the breakup, I haven't been myself.

I refuse to take any clients. Food no longer tastes good. I wonder why I used to bother with glitter and makeup and other trivial things. I couldn't sleep. There were no parties. I've barely been out. The entire Down World probably thinks im dead.

What differences would it make really? I had no friends, not really. If I did die I wouldn't be missed much.

Not willing to acquaint myself with hell anytime soon, I abandon the idea of dying quickly.

Honestly, im unsure why im so broken up about Alec anyway. I've had so many relationships; lovers, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends in my time that one little blue eyed boy that i'd only known for maybe a year out of all my centuries shouldn't be able to make me feel this way.

But Alec wasn't like the others.

* * *

Two days ago was the first time I went out the house. I went to the Starbucks about a mile away, and I walked. I suppose I could've just summoned a drink from the store, but I needed fresh air badly.

While I was placing my order I thought I saw him out of the corner of my eye.

Alec.

When I turned fully, I saw that the figure had disappeared, seemingly underneath the table. I could see Isabel glaring at me from the other side of the table.

My heart constricted. I wonder if Alec was so disgusted with me that he refused to see my face. I grabbed my coffee and fled the shop. A single tear ran down my face when I saw that I'd ordered a café mocha.

Come back to me Alec.

* * *

When I returned home, I played with Chairman Meow. Then we watched stupid movies together, The Notebook, Titanic, Sorority Wars, and because I was feeling like a teenage girl Twilight. I thought about how pathetic i was. I ate Rocky Road ice cream that was going to break out my face and make me fat.

But its not like I had a sexy shadowhunter boyfriend to impress anyway.

* * *

It wasn't fair how much I loved Alec. Because I do. And i'll probably love him forever. I keep trying to remind myself that he's young, a child in the eyes of most immortals. I remember back when William and Tessa were married, and Will was aging, they were both freaking out. Tessa looking for a way to make Will immortal, and Will trying to make Tessa mortal.

Unfortunately their was nothing to _be _found.

So maybe i could maybe understand why Alec did this to me.

If Alec begged me to take him back, i probably would.

That night, my cell phone rung. I picked it up without really looking at it. "Hello?" i said, half asleep.

When no one answered, i looked at the screen.

Alec.

I listened to him breathe until he hung up, sighing in relief.

At least he was alive.

I put on Adam Lambert's Better Than I Know Myself and cried myself to sleep.

_**A/N: I don't think this was very good at all. I just cant get in Magnus' head like i need to. Especially when he's all mopey like this. Please review and tell me this didn't completely suck?!**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: Here's chapter 8! Thanks for the reviews/faves/follows! I love it and keep it up! I have a new story up called Protector. Its for a contest so i'd love it if you guys checked it out! Its Clary/Alec... i know right! Review it and i'd love you forever! :D :D ;D**_

I wonder what would've happened if I hadn't been awarded the Biggest Fuck-up of the Year. If Magnus and I were still together, would I have just grown older and older until I died? Or would Magnus find away to make me immortal. Maybe i'd get Simon to change me, and i'd live out the rest of my days without a glimpse of the sun.

But that's not true. Magnus _was _my sun.

Now I live in eternal darkness.

* * *

Today we were celebrating some stupid holiday. We used to do it back when I was a child. Basically its Institute wide kill all the demons you can.

Like a mundane capture the flag, Simon said.(sorta)

It was better when Shadowhunters actually came around the Institute, but we decided to make due.

Robert posted the list of teams at lunch which no one ate because Izzy insisted on cooking. To be honest, im not sure what it was supposed to be.

**_Red Team_**

**_Robert Lightwood(captain)_**

**_Clary Fray_**

**_Alec Lightwood_**

**_Luke Graymark_**

**_Jordan Kyle_**

**_Blue Team_**

**_Mayrse Lightwood(captain)_**

**_Jace Herondale_**

**_Simon Lewis_**

**_Jocelyn Fray_**

**_Izzy Lightwood _**

Unfortunately, the werewolf girl Maia had been sick, so she couldn't play. At least the teams were even.

Jace looked annoyed that he didn't get to be on the same team as Clary, and he begged me to switch. For awhile I just smirked at him. I would've relented, as I didn't give a damn which team I was on. I kind of just wanted it to be over.

Everyone geared up, even Simon who didn't really need any. He said it made him look cool. I snorted, and the daylighter glared at me playfully.

I shook my head, laughing to myself. Maybe this would be better then I thought.

* * *

At first it was fun. We, the red team went after a pack of Achaieraidemons, and they were easy and slightly amusing. Clary did a nice job, though I more than once felt her gaze on my back.

Then we moved on to spider demons. I hated spiders, so I was more then a little wary around them. But we banished all those back to hell easily enough, and mobed on to the "final" round.

"Final round?" I muttered under my breath, wiping ichor off of my face. "You mean until tomorrow?"

Everybody laughed. Good thing Mayrse wasn't our captain because she defiantly would've been annoyed with me.

"Alright guys." Robert spoke. "These last demons are electrical. They're very dangerous, and they could possibly paralyze or even kill you. So be careful, and don't use metal blades."

We sprung into battle. The demons looked pretty normal, except for the electric charge that seemed to be coming from them. They weren't to hard to kill, if you ignored their mouths as much as possible. I glanced around, and everyone seemed tobe faring well. Even the wolves, who'd paired up, and Clary were all killing things appropriately.

I decided to start watching Clary's back. Its what Jace would've wanted him to do, and what it was his duty for him to do as Jace's parabatai. She parried and stabbed and spun with grace, even though you could tell she was knew to the game. Everything was going great for Clary until another demon approached her from the back. She was too slow to kill the one in front of her, and turned around a second too late.

My feet were moving before I could stop them. I ran toward Clary and pushed her behind me. I could feel the electricity surrounding me. In a fleeting moment, _his _face came to mind. I shut my eyes and prepared to die.

_Its not like I had anything to live for anyway_

* * *

**Luke's POV (surprise!)**

The second I saw Alec Lightwood running, I knew something was wrong.

Clary was cornered by two demons, and Alec was running toward her. Before I could move, Alec had pushed Clary behind him and had taken the full onslaught of the demons attack. Robert rushed toward his son, and as did I, killing the demon first.

Alec crumpled to the ground, and Clary was crying and was injured too. Robert tossed me his cell phone while he held his son who looked very much dead. "Call Mayrse." he said, voice breaking. "And Magnus."

I looked at the boy that saved my almost step-daughters life. As i made the call, a phrase came to mind.

_Pale as death._

* * *

**Magnus POV**

I was feeding the Chairman for once when my cell phone rung. Not recognizing the number, i answered assuming it was one of my clients. "Sorry i cant help you. My hours are between two and six, weekdays only."

"Magnus?" a shaky voice that I recognized as Lucian's spoke. Instantly, my curiosity was piqued, and I was slightly concerned for a moment until I remembered.

"Lucian. I thought I made it clear that I was no longer assisting you Nephilum-"

"Magnus. Its Alec."

My heart stopped. "Tell him I'm coming."

_**A/N: Did you like? Hahaha i left you with this cliffhanger. If you review, i'll post the next one! Will this be the reunion we've been waiting on? Review to find out! :D**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N: Thank you sooooo much for the reviews! They make me very happy! I hope you enjoy this! Maybe it wont satisfy the cliffhanger completly, but i hope it can hold you off, hahaha! **_

**Magnus POV**

Faster than lightning, I gathered my things and drew a Portal. I was mostly calm on the outside, but on the inside I was screaming.

_Alec Alec Alec Alec Alec _

I fell into the Institute, in the hall. I heard people crying, someone was speaking hysterically to me.

But all I could see was him.

Alec's prone body lie on the floor in his fathers arms. His face was white as a sheet, and if I couldn't tell by the shallow rise and fall of Alec's breath, then I would've thought the boy to be dead.

"Can you guys get out of the way?" I asked quietly.

Somehow, everyone seemed to hear me, backing away from Alec like he had a disease. Even Robert who wiped his eyes when he thought no one was looking. I guess even a man as coldhearted as him could cry over his hurt son.

My father didn't. Neither of them.

Moving toward Alec as if I was in a trance, I lifted up the body of my ex-boyfriend. He was lighter and colder then he should've been, but I wasn't going to lose hope. I quickly moved toward the infirmary, holding him close to my chest. Alec's eyes were shut tightly, as if he'd been in pain when he was electrocuted.

I placed him on the bed, and tried to keep from screaming.

"I didn't think we'd meet like this again Alec." I said softly, though I was sure the other residents of the Institute could hear me clearly. "Its almost ironic. I fell in love with you here...and now..." I swallowed thickly, almost unable to see him through the tears. "Come back to me now baby." I placed my hands over his chest and got to work.

* * *

I worked until I could no longer stand. I collapsed to the floor from pure exhaustion.

_**"Young one. You should not deplete your magical energies like you just did. Its not healthy."**_

I snorted. Young? "Well, he's someone I care about so I kind of have to."

_**"Boyfriend?"**_The silent brother said in my mind with something of a smirk to his "voice".

"Not anymore."

_**"But you still love him. Don't you?"**_

"It's complicated. But yes."

**_"When you really love someone, you must do everything in your possession to keep them. No matter the roadblocks, true love is only found a few times. Do what you must, Magnus Bane."_**

"Thank you." Most Silent Brothers knew me well enough that they gave me advice. It was funny, but useful I supoosed.

I slumped against the ground, but someone hauled me up and dragged me out of the room. "What are you...Simon?"

The young vampire was stoicly carrying me out of the room. "Magnus you need to rest. You're dead on your feet."

"Why are you doing this for me?"

He smirked. "Because I consider you a friend. And its what Alec would want me to do."

* * *

Simon forced me to eat something, and then practically put me to bed. I was exhausted though, so i woke feeling somewhat rested if not still extremly stressed and worried and Alec Alec Alec Alec

I needed to check on him. Was he okay?

I quickly got up and stumbled out of my room. Unfortunatly, i collided with someone. Jace.

"Bane." he said, refusing to meet my eyes.

"Really, _Herondale_? Are we on last name basis now?"

He flinched, and finally looked up at me. His golden eyes were sad and he looked worn out. "The only reason i'm not reaching foward to strangle you is because Alec wouldnt want me to."

"Jace... i.. look you dont undersatnd -"

"What don't i understand, _Magnus_? This?" He pulled the collar of his shirt down to show me his faded parabatai rune. "I understand that Alec, my parabatai, my brother my _best friend_. Is almost dead. Why did you break his heart, Magnus."

"Look Jace. You're young. By mortal and immortal standards. You dont understand the full complexity of living like i do. I will _possibly live forever and Alec won't_.

I quickly walked away so he wouldnt see me break.

* * *

When i recovered myself, i went to check on Alec. I was nervous, but i knew that if i didnt see him my heart would literally beat its way out of my chest. In the Infirmary lay Alec, looking as still as ever, but maybe with a tad more color to his fair skin. I pushed his black hair out of his eyes and just stared at him.

I didn't even notice Isabel in the room until she moved. I nearly jumped out of my skin. "Magnus..." she ventured.

"Oh, so you don't hate me?"

"i couldnt hate you. You've saved our asses more then i could count." she said.

I offered her a weak smile. Izzy looked even more tired then Jace. Her dress was wrinkled, her makeup smeared. She was barefoot and her hair was tangled.

"So how is he?"

"The silent brothers said he was stable and somewhat healthy. It's sort of like a mundane coma." she sighed. "Now we just have to wait for him to wake up."

"Well that's good...right?"

"Magnus... I can't lose another brother. Max and.. what if Alec never wakes up?"

"If i can help it, you won't."

* * *

I told Izzy to go sleep because she looked dead on her feet. So i was alone with Alec. I listened to his heart beat, making sure it didnt falter.

"Alec... Aku cinta kamu. I love you."

_**A/N: Sorry if this wasnt very good, but i tried! Please erview, maybe you'll see an update tomarrow, haha! :D School starts for me on Tuesday, so once that happens, updates probably wont happen everyday :'( But hopefully i will still be able to update a couple times a week! Much loev! **_


	10. Chapter 10

**_A/N: Hey guys! Sorry about not updating this week. It was the first week of school and ive had homework everynight, lol! Thanks for the support! Note this is one week after the last chapter. Sorry its short, just wanted to put something out. Please review!_**

One Week Later

Everyday, Alec lay motionless in the Infirmary, and everyday we got more and more unstable. As the days went on, everyone got more and more upset and worried and i was nervous every time i was alone with Jace.

They tried to hide it from their children, but i could easily tell that they were close to breaking. I slept in Alec's room every night, and the comfort of his once familiar smell lulled me to sleep. Sometimes i took a walk, around the Insitute, and i could hear Izzy crying when she thought no one could hear.

I was getting worried. And when you're worried and stressed and confused and sad you get desperate. What if Alec never woke up? I poured through the Book of White. When there's a will there's a way right?

It was pretty easy convincing Simon to meet me at Taki's. Apparently, Izzy hadn't contacted him all week, and he was completely out of the loop for what was happening. Its possible i looked even more emo than i did during the breakup. What a rough few weeks. Boyfriend tries to inadvertently kill you, you breakup, he almost dies, said boyfriend is in a coma. I wore sneakers and sweatpants with my hair straight.

I took a taxi to the restaurant because i was too lazy to walk, and i didn't want to waste any magic on a portal. When got there,Simon was already seated, sipping nervously from a glass of blood.

"You know, its impolite to order before the other person has arrived."

Simon rolled his eyes. "Did you want lunch with me while i was thirsty?"

I cracked a smile. "Touche." The waitress came around and looked confusedly at me. "Magnus Bane? Is that you?"

I vaguely recognized the girl as someone like Katie or Kaelie or something, "Uh….hey?"

"Everyone thinks you're dead! You haven't been seen at all!"

"I've been busy. But i'd like a caesar salad and sparkling water please."

She blushed. "Oh! Right."

When she left, Simon immideatly gave me the third degree. I told him about everything. He looked pretty sad about it ti my surprise. I didn't think the two knew each other very well.

"That's why i called you hear today, Simon. I hope this isn't weird but….i need a favor."

"Sorry Magnus. I'm currently in a loving relationship that i dont want to mess up."

It took me a second to grasp what he meant, but when i figured it out, i nearly choked on my salad. "Lilith, Simon! I didn't mean it like that!"

"I know. But you looked like you needed a laugh." Simon said. "But seriously, what's up?"

"I need….Look Alec isn't waking up. The silent brothers said that the chance of him waking up healthy is slim to none. He could possibly be paralyzed for life, The runes aren't working, my magic isn't. Claves looking into the demons but….its not going to help him. I need some of you blood, Simon."

"My blood?" the vampire looked surprised.

"Just a little. A vial really."

"But isnt that dangerous? Isnt the vampire blood the reason why i'm a vampire now?"

"Vampire blood has amazing healing properties. Yes its dangerous...but i'm thinking that your daylighter blood is less potent. Simon please. You could save Alec's life!"

"But won't it make him want to turn?"

"No. I won't let him. Please."

Simon sighs. "Fine. But if he ends up getting in trouble, its your fault."

"Noted."

I pass him a thin knife, and a vial, and without fliching he make the cut.

"When Alec and i broke up….how was he? Like how did he act?"

A strange look crossed Simon's face. "Um… sad. Heartbroken. Angry at the world."

"Oh okay." I nodded. I think he's hiding something from me.

**_A/N: So i got the idea of vampire blood having healing qualities from the vampire diaries. I hope you enjoyed this!:D Review!_**


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry its been so long with the update, i've been super busy with school and whatnot. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Please review so i know that someone still cares! **_

I thought about it long and hard. Contrary to popular opinion, i'm not a irresponsible impulsive idiot. Actions have consequences. I know that well by now. I was pretty certain that their was no way that Alec would wake up healthy, if he even woke up at all. The vampire blood-Simon's blood-would heal whatever was broken inside of him. He'd probably wake up soon.

But the downside to this was that Alec would possibly start craving a chance to get bitten. But i wouldn't let that happen. A dosage of my magic along with it would most likely deter him from the feelings.

I was confident in myself, so when i poured the vial down his throat, i didn't pray or cross my fingers. No, a satisfactory smile appeared on my face. This would either go very well,or very badly. And there was nothing else to say.

I wasn't awake or conscious, but that doesn't mean that my senses are nonexistent. I got flashes sometimes, of noise, voices that i later recognized as my families. I could feel it when a hand touched my skin, and though i couldn't actively respond, i colud feel the intrusion of a silent brother in my mind. It worried me when i felt tears drip down onto my face on more than one occasion. "I'm fine!" I wanted to shout. What' could be wrong with me that has everyone _so sad_?

I mean, i was just sleeping right? But the longer i was "asleep" the easier it became to really see that i wasn't okay. I struggled to wake up, everyday, to fight the chains that bound me. But for some reason i couldn't. After some time, i could recognize those who came to visit me by their footsteps. Magnus would walk excitedly to see me, but by the time he left he was slow-walking, sad and resigned. Jace would walk angrily, and leave defeated. Izzy always walked the same, quick worried footsteps. My parents came so rarely, that only when they spoke could i tell who they were.

Maybe it doesn't surprise you, but my favorite days were Magnus days. I got excited, and if i could speak I probably would've scquealed like Izzy does whenever Damon and Elena kiss on _the Vampire Diaries_. Today, his walk was different. It was bubbly and nervous and scared all at the same time. He seemed to sit down, and brushed the hair away from my face. I sighed happily. He stopped, frozen. He must've heard me! Magnus quickly resumed the action, probably dismissing of his often overactive imagination.

"Alec." he whispered. "You aren't getting better, and I am to attached to your friends and family, to _you _to let this pain go on any longer. Alec I…. love you more than life itself. And you have to wake up soon because i don't know how much longer i'll be able to hold on without losing it." My heart pounded. "I love you too!" i screamed, but no sound would come out. "And i'm fine!"

"So i'm sorry in advance. Bottoms up, darling."

I felt something slide down my throat, something that tasted both like Magnus, and something that tasted so fundamentally wrong.

And thats when the pain begun.

_**A/N: Also, sorry its so short. I had to break it up some way. Expect another chapter tonight or tomorrow. Also guys, thirty reviews! Wow i never expected all of this feedback! I'm sooooo happy yay! I really apprciate the reviews and it really truthfully brightens my day! Love you guys and continue to review! :D **_


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N:Hello! Here's a new chapter for you guys!**_

I'm so so so so so sorry that it took me so long to update, and all i produced was this. But seriously i've been writing this lackluster chapter for two weeks. The "spark" hasn't been there, and neither has the time. ughhhh im sorry. i will have something up tomorrow or sunday

**_Magnus POV_**

At first he lay still, much like he'd been for over a week now. But after a few tense moments, he started to shake a little. Then he was thrashing, and screaming as if he could not control it. I tried to calm him, with magic, or my voice, but nothing seemed to work. I could tell it was working, or at least something was.

Color was rapidly returning to his skin,and his hair already less flat. He looked….well alive. The burns on his face started to fade, making me concerned. Why would he be healing so fast? But sooner than i'd spoke, all motion ceased.

Alec eyelashes fluttered coquettishly, and suddenly I was staring into an ocean of blue.

_**Alec POV**_

At first I was greeted by shockingly bright lights. Really world? Is that how you treat poor me? For a moment i was almost confused by my location, but gathered that it was the Infirmary by all of the medicines and the stark whiteness of it all. And then i saw him.

Magnus.

At first i wanted to back away. I was afraid, and he wouldn't want to see me. I scooted away from him slowly, falling off of the bed and onto the floor, my legs tangled in the sheets.

He helped me up with a little smile on his face. "Hey."

"Hi."

Magnus filled me in on everything, straight from when I jumped in front of Clary, very well saving her life. How i'd been unconscious for very well over a week. Magnus told me that everyone in the Institute had been sad and depressed since I'd fallen in battle.

"No one could function without you." he said, to my surprise.

I noted Magnus's appearance and guessed that he was telling the truth. He wore sweats, and while they were probably designer, they were still sweat pants. No makeup decorated his face, and he wore no glitter, thank the angel.

Noticing me staring, Magnus looked at himself with a self-deprecating grin. "Sorry about my appearance.. I know I'm a mess."

I blinked. "You're beautiful."

Magnus couldn't seem to keep the grin off of his face. After looking at me a bit strangely for a few moments, he said, "Maybe we should get your family. I'm sure they want to see that you are alive and well."

For a second, my smile faltered. Was I really ready to see them? But I followed Magnus obediently, happy that I could walk. In the hall, the lights were even brighter than they were in the Infirmary. I was happy to be free of the chains that didn't want me to be free, but at the same time I felt….lost. Magnus entered the kitchen, where i found my family silently eating dinner. They all looked much the same as Magnus did, haggard, tired and almost sad. Did they really care that much about me?

"Hey guys." I said with a smile.

Someone dropped their fork. "Did you guys miss me? Because I had a very relaxing week of rest-"

"It was closer to two." Jace snapped. I met the golden eyes of my brother, and before I could respond, he threw his arms around me like i'd been missing for years. "We thought you were dead." he muttered.

"Sorry to disappoint."

He punched me in the shoulder, harder than necessary. "Don't say things like that. You almost were."

"Alec!" Izzy exclaimed, joining in on the hug. My parents rushed over, and for a second it was alright. But where Max should've been was an empty space, and Magnus had squeezed himself into the corner of the room. I gestured toward him, and he approached cautiously.

"You're apart of this you know." I whispered to him. "If you want to be."

He nodded almost unoticeably, and I decided not to push the issue, enveloping myself in sandalwood while I still could.

**_A/N: Review, tell me i suck and demand more. I need inspiration! :D_**


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